Checking in, checking out, and checking one's self
Getting my website launched marked a big milestone for me. Because I journal fairly regularly, I know that I first had the idea to put all of my projects together in one cyber place back in October of 2012, when Saturn had first entered Scorpio. Two and a half years later, I'm up and online but Saturn is going backwards into old territory. Saturn remind me that everything takes time and one cannot really skip ahead when it comes to some tasks. Before nataleo.com could become a real thing, I needed to learn some skills, gain some clarity, let go, and clear away some old self-defeating tendencies.
My next goal is to write regular astrology blogs as well as evolution of orgasm updates. In the last couple weeks, I haven't had the time or energy to do either to a satisfactory level so I figured I'd take a baby step toward my goal by writing a personal update. That's kind of what a blog is for anyway, right? Self-involved ramblings...
The orgasm project is ongoing but to be honest, I'm so busy teaching pole dancing (yay), preparing the evolutionary psych course (starting June 25), and enjoying friends & sunshine (big yay), that I haven't made much concrete progress in the last few weeks as I had optimistically planned. Self-imposed deadlines are a special kind of hell for me...and my partner. I'm not ready to share the orgasm ideas until I've written something more substantial. That's another Saturn thing I've been rolling around on lately...the importance of substance and quality.
I can be rather scattered with my mental energies, multi-tasking in a frenzy, stressing while spinning around doing nothing, and obsessing over what should be done first. While I was caught up in one of those thought tornadoes the other day, I had a clear and helpful thought: no matter what I do, I need to do a good job. If it takes longer than expected, that is ok. If it turns out way different than expected, that's ok too. Whether I'm teaching a class, writing a newsletter, analyzing a chart, or cleaning my house, the only thing that really matters is that I do the task well and with presence - because presence is required to do it well. Quality really does matter because nothing else can give that deep feeling of satisfaction.
Satisfaction, quality, endurance, patience, step-by-step progress, the long road...
These are Saturn themes. I'm Saturn-ruled because Aquarius is my rising sign. The day I finished my site I was feeling a bit restless so I pulled a tarot card to dig into that feeling a littler deeper (digging is also a Saturnian thing to do) and I pulled the Two of Wands. My handy guidebook said something along the lines of:
You've just completed something and you are excited about it but you are left with the feeling, so what? Realize that this completion signifies not an end, but the beginning and growth of a wonderful enterprise. Do not give into the disappointment that what you've done could have been better and bigger, but recognize the beauty of the potential of the project. Recognize this moment as an important success for the space it creates for future growth.
This reminder was so timely and I felt so good reading it. One doesn't need to believe in voodoo to enjoy the mystery of the Tarot. Remembering to enjoy the entire process of creation and to embrace the delays and imperfections is all so important.
That's all I got today. Trust me that more writing and goals and high-quality work will follow.
***Blog art by Adrian Ghenie***